Little did I know the worst was yet to come; it is not the approaching that turns to be difficult but the task of making your feelings known with subtlety. And that turned out to be a task that lasted more than half a year and costed me a great amount of time.
I never quite understood how to deal with all the romance thing. Should you be subtle or should you make quite clear you like him, and if you do make your feelings known to him won’t it just freak him out? And if you don’t make it all known, how will he ever notice you like him, because in my head I’m not exactly worth noticing. And even if he does notice you how will you make him understand you kinda like him, not just as a friend but as something more? And do you even want him to know you like him, because that could really end up rather badly. These were the thoughts that filled my head all the time, the doubts that kept me up at night. Not that I need help to sleep poorly, I can manage that all by myself.
Since the circumstances on which we met are already known to you I should move on to exposing all the reasons I do like him and what makes me like him more every day that passes.
First of all he is the kindest person I ever met, and this could easily be demonstrated by telling you that never have I ever seen him angry. You could throw food at him, which has happened before, and he won’t get slightest bit angry. He’ll just give you a look that clearly states that you should be a five year-old child to behave in the way you just did and go on with whatever he was doing before. I think you could punch him and he wouldn’t even react, though I prefer not to test this theory since it could be painful if set theory turned out to be wrong.
Reason number two I love him is him being able to make me want to change. Since you don’t know me and in turn I don’t know you, there are some things I should probably explain at this point, like for instances me being considerably grumpy when I don’t get as much sleep as I should. This is to say, all the freaking time. School drives me crazy plainly because at some point in the year I stop having enough time to sleep. It’s almost like teachers collude to make your life a living hell. This lack of sleep usually translates in grumpiness and ridiculously high levels of sarcasm. Well, being around him makes me want to change all that. When he is around I have this warm tingle inside that makes me feel like nothing else matters but me and him; I could simply sit there next to him, the sun warm, the wind blowing very gently, and forget everything, loose myself in him. I could picture us holding hands very clearly, my head on his shoulder. But that’s all it is: a picture in my head.
When I’m with him, the world stops, clocks freeze, time itself suspended.